Yellow and Orange Flags in Relationships

It's been said that love is blind. It may also be deaf and dumb, but in this article I'll deal with the onset of blindness that occurs at the beginning of a relationship. When you first meet someone you're attracted to, your eye sight isn't 20/20. You don't/don't want to, see the person for who they really are. Just as the USA currently has a color coded terror alert, there is also a personal alert system that goes beyond the well known "red flags". I believe there are smaller warning signs of trouble up ahead. I call these: Yellow and orange flags.

BLASTS THE STEREO IN THE CAR: Guys are usually more guilty of this than girls, since our ego isn't tied to our stereo. If the guy is under 21, okay, he's immature. If he's between 21 and 30 and the music is so loud you can hardly carry on a conversation, there's probably a maturity issue here. If he's over 30, it becomes an orange flag.

BREAST IMPLANTS: Unless the implants were for work related reasons (actress, bikini model, stripper, etc), or because the breasts were disfigured (pregnancy, breast feeding, medical reasons), I believe this is a yellow flag. Unfortunately, this society has given women the message that they are "less than" if they are anything "less than" a C cup. That is still not an excuse for falling into this trap. You can't find your self esteem in your cleavage. My motto is: The bigger the implant, the lower the self esteem. If you meet someone with a DD cup and she's not in the above professions, it becomes an orange flag.

HOW DO THEY HUG? I once dated someone that stood there like a robot whenever I hugged him hello/goodbye. Another guy only hugged with one arm. Talk about noncommital. Both guys are no longer in my life. If a guy can't/won't hug "properly", he's got issues. It's a yellow flag.

STICKS TO YOU LIKE GLUE: Ladies, have you ever dated someone who would hold your hand the entire time (and I do mean, the entire time) you were at a nightclub together? I bet they also accompanied you to the bathroom and waited outside for you. How did it turn out? Exactly. This is not normal, male behavior. The guy that did this with me is a big time player (of course, I didn't know it at the time). He wanted to show me off, and make sure everyone knew I was with him, so that no one would try to approach me. The other explanation for this is that the guy is from another country. In that case, it would be a yellow flag. Otherwise, it's orange. Proceed with caution.

POINTS OUT ATTRACTIVE MEMBERS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX: There are several reasons for this. The person is insecure about your feelings for them, so they want to make you jealous and see your reaction. Yellow flag. The person was raised by wolves and doesn't know what is acceptable social behavior. Orange Flag. The person is upset with you about something and is using this as a way to get back at you. Orange Flag.

SOAP OPERAS: Watching a soap opera is the equivalent of reading a Harlequin romance. How many guys do you know that read romance novels? Exactly. I think the only time a guy should be watching a soap is if he's actually on it! I can understand him wanting to see his performance, otherwise, it's a yellow flag.

YOUR TEARS: How does a guy react the first time you cry? I once called someone I was seeing casually because I was upset about something that had happened with another guy the day before. His reaction was concern and he said, "Did he hurt you?" It sounded like he was ready to take action if the guy had "hurt me". However, the first time I cried with a guy that I was dating, his reaction was to get out of the house as fast as he could. If a guy doesn't know how to handle a woman that's crying, he may not be mature enough to be in a relationship. If he expresses anything but concern the first time you cry, it's an orange flag.

NO CELL PHONE: Believe it or not, there are actually people out there that still don't have a cell phone. I know some people can't afford it, but do you want to be dating someone that has such bad money management that they can't afford $50 a month for something that's almost as important as the air we breathe? Then there are those people that simply refuse to accept new technology and are rebelling. Do you want to be dating a Ted Kaczynski? Finally, there are those that don't give you a reason. They're probably hiding something (like a spouse or partner?) I once went on a date with someone from the S.W.A.T. team and he claimed he didn't have a cell phone. Oh, please. If there's one profession where you better be easily accessible, that would be it. We only had two dates and then he disappeared. No cell phone is an orange flag.

NO EMAIL: This is similar to the above flag. If they can't afford a computer, they've got other things they need to be doing with their time instead of dating-like getting their act together. I recently met a girl at a party that took several group pictures in which I was one of the subjects. I wanted to get copies of the photos and asked for her email. She said she didn't use email. As I stood there with a puzzled look on my face, wondering what kind of person didn't use email, she said, "If someone wants to communicate with me, they have to call me." Hey, I just want copies of the photos. Is a phone call really necessary for that? Needless to say, she's single. This is a yellow flag.

TV: You know those people that need to have the tv on all the time, even if it's just in the background? They've got issues. They probably don't want to be alone with their own thoughts and if all is quiet, that's what would happen. As one becomes more evolved, they start to understand that silence is golden and they welcome some quiet time alone. If they don't want to spend time with themselves (without a tv in the background), why would anyone else want to spend time with them? This is a yellow flag.

Lucia is a dating and relationship expert, columnist, lecturer and host of the TV Show "The Art of Love".

With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice - after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it.

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